Remember that guy Jeff Foxworthy who made a career out of the humorous formulation about how to determine if you were, just maybe, a redneck? That little checklist included items like these: “You might be a redneck if…your mom has been in a fistfight at a high school sporting event,” or, “You might be a redneck if…you think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.”

As I read yet another fear-and-hate-filled email from someone who believes Barack Obama is a dangerous socialist intent on confiscating every gun in the nation before putting all the “real” Americans in concentration camps, it occurred to me that people who get their opinions from Limbaugh and Beck might just be morons. And, as a public service, I decided to use Jeff Foxworthy’s old gag as a way of allowing readers to determine if they are, in fact, slipping over the line into moron territory.

So, assess your moronic tendencies in the following scenarios:

You might be a moron if…you think your freedom depends on allowing every yahoo who wants one to have an assault weapon without undergoing a background check.

You might be a moron if…you think the Koch brothers have any interest in the well-being of people like you.

You might be a moronic bigot if…you’ve ever repeated that right-wing canard about how Obama reading from teleprompters is a sign of how dumb he is.

You might be a moron if…you haven’t noticed how the Republican Party seems to be saying no to everything that doesn’t involve tax breaks for the rich, or favors to corporate lobbyists.

You might be a person whose elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor if…you think a democracy works best when one political party is doing all it can to suppress voting.

You might be a little moronic if…you think restricting the availability of contraceptives will cut down on the number of abortions.

You might have been held back a few grades if…you think that a tiny bump in the minimum wage is going to kill jobs, but huge CEO bonuses don’t.

You might be a slack-jawed moron if…you believe Mark Sanford will make a better public servant for the people of South Carolina than Elizabeth Colbert-Busch would have made.

You might be a moron if…you can still hear Fox News described as “Fair and Balanced” without laughing out loud.

Comments

  1. Junei Masharelli says:

    You might be Jaime O’neill if you get fired from the CNR for being full of more bullsheet than a 50 acre cow pasture.