Stop. Collaborate And Bring Me A Puppy.

Hooray, October is finally here! Fall weather! Scarves! Hot tea! Hooray… Except for the fact that in our fair hamlet of Chico, “fall weather” actually means temperatures in the 90s, at least for the first few weeks of autumn. Sometimes if I wake up early enough in the morning, I can convince myself that the glorious mid 60s temperatures will last all day. This is all fine and dandy, until I leave work at 5pm, sweaty and filled with rage at my morning-self who made this decision which was obviously so terrible and ill-conceived. This trend of making poor decisions in the face of overwhelming reasons to do the opposite has been a recurring theme in my life lately. Whether it’s (falsely) convincing myself that maybe this will be the year I learn to love eggplant, or trying (and failing) to stop looking at puppies up for adoption in the hopes my schedule will clear enough for me to have one, tis the season for poor choices.

In any case, misery loves company; and when it comes to terrible decisions, I certainly have plenty of company. It would seem that after a lot of back-and-forth, the option held by New Line Cinema to turn Y The Last Man into a film has expired. Although all this really means is that the rights have been transferred back to Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra, it’s just another setback for fans of this long-beloved series hoping to see it on the big screen. Dan Trachtenberg (the last director who was attached to the project), told Slashfilm that he’d hoped the film would have some hints of and references to movies like Raiders of the Lost Ark, Midnight Run, Willow, and Ladyhawke. Although he had high praise for everyone who tried to get the project off the ground, Trachtenberg explained that he was “not sure that Brian [Vaughan] will ever want to do anything more with it.” But hey guys, at least we can probably look forward to Hollywood churning out at least twelve more Expendables movies! Fingers crossed that Expendables 7-10 will feature such quality acts as Dennis Rodman and Vanilla Ice.

In other cinema news, it would seem that the Hollywood higher-ups saw the “success” of Battleship, and have decided to attempt to repeat the magic with a film based on Tetris. No, seriously. Threshold Entertainment, who made the 1995 classic Mortal Kombat, have explained that their take will be an “epic sci-fi adventure.” Henk Rogers, managing director of Tetris Company explained, “In this new universe, as you’ll soon find out, there’s much more to Tetris than simply clearing lines.” Oh jeez. Maybe we’ll get lucky and there’ll be a Tetris Expendables crossover in which Vanilla Ice and Dennis Rodman have to clear all the “lines” off the board before time runs out. Fingers crossed, guys.

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Zooey Mae has been working as a writer monkey for Synthesis Weekly since 2007. Her favorite things include (but are not limited to), Jeffrey Brown, bubble wrap, Craig Thompson, pillow forts, receiving handwritten letters, and whiskey. She spends her free time stockpiling supplies for the impending robot Apocalypse and avoiding eye contact with strangers.