Snape Kills Dumbledore

Greetings, nerds! Last Sunday I arrived back in California after my eleven day stint in South Korea. Although I had a lot of fun and met some wonderful people, I am really happy to be back. Do you guys have any idea how wonderful it smells in Chico? It smells like jasmine and burritos, and it is magical. Seriously.

The new season of Game Of Thrones premiered a couple of Sundays ago, and thankfully it lived up to the impressively high bar they’ve set for themselves. SPOILER ALERT! We caught up with Daenerys Targaryen, who is discovering that there are some problems with trying to raise dragons and keep them as child pets. Crazy, right? Who would’ve thought? A new character (Oberyn Martell) arrives, and I couldn’t really concentrate on his developing storyline, because he feels to me like an obvious attempt by the writers to rise to the challenge of the fans to make the show sexual in a way that’s more equal opportunity for either gender. Basically, we want to see more wangs. More dongs. Dong on dong action. The ol’ “ding dong,” if you will. Ring a ding dong.

Ahem. Anyway, I’m excited to see how this season plays out, and I can’t wait for Cersei to finally get hers, for Sansa to be less whiney, and for Snape to kill Dumbledore. In other sci-fi “news,” a Star Wars fan has turned his 74’ Chevy Malibu into a Millenium Falcon. What that actually means is that he just painted his car to kinda, sorta look like the Falcon. It actually looks pretty amazing, but whenever I see someone put an elaborate paint job on their car like that, I can’t help imagining how satisfying it would be to smash their windows with a sledgehammer. Is that normal?

Speaking of normal, when you were a child did you ever tie a message to a balloon, or put a note in a bottle? I did. I used to tie little notes to a balloons, let them go, and watch them soar majestically for about eight seconds before they’d inevitably get tangled in the branches that blanketed the sky around my house, then the balloon would sadly wilt over the coming months before my dad would finally have to get a ladder and rake and pull it down. I also tried the message in a bottle routine, but the closest body of water near my house was a pond. It took me about a dozen bottles for me to realize I was just littering, so I pulled those bottles out and put them where they belonged—over the neighbors fence. Turns out the pastime of putting messages in bottles is older than one might think, as a German fisherman just found a note in a bottle dating back to 1913. Containing a Danish postcard with a note asking the recipient to send the note back to the sender (postage was included), the bottle and note is currently on display at the Maritime Museum in Hamburg.


Zooey Mae has been working as a writer monkey for Synthesis Weekly since 2007. Her favorite things include (but are not limited to), Jeffrey Brown, bubble wrap, Craig Thompson, pillow forts, receiving handwritten letters, and whiskey. She spends her free time stockpiling supplies for the impending robot Apocalypse and avoiding eye contact with strangers.