Dear Sexytime,

I recently met a great guy at a party and we have been dating now for a couple of weeks. After our second date, we went back to his apartment, one thing led to another, and we had sex. After we had both fallen asleep, I woke up when I heard him in the bathroom. When he returned to bed, I reached over to touch his butt, and was surprised that I felt a plastic-type material. I just assumed he was wearing those cheap nylon athletic shorts, and didn’t think much more about it. Well, last night he slept over at my apartment, and the same thing happened: had sex, fell asleep, woke up when I heard him in the bathroom, and felt plastic shorts when he returned. The room has always been too dark for me to see what’s going on, and he has never said anything about it, but now I suspect he’s a bed-wetter and is putting on adult diapers before falling asleep! He’s been up and dressed before me both times we’ve spent the night together, so I’m assuming he doesn’t want me to know/talk about it. What should I do?


Depending on You for a Straight Answer

Dear Butt-Toucher,

Seeing as things are so new with this guy, I’d suggest you sort of let it go for the time being. It’s not causing you any harm and really, it could be saving your bed from becoming a piddle pad. Of course, if things progress and your “dates”  become more frequent, you will want some answers.

Ever hear of conversation? Sure, it’s uncomfortable at times, but it’s the only logical solution here. If he does wear safety pants in bed, he is likely to be quite self-conscious about it. The best approach will be not to make him overly embarrassed or defensive. Wait for a private moment and pose your question clearly. “I’ve noticed blah blah and wanted to ask you about this, can you tell me about blah?” If he becomes defensive and weird, drop it. He will likely bring it back up later once he’s had time to formulate a response. Above all, don’t be a probing jerk about it.

If your curiosity causes the whole situation to implode—if he can’t talk openly to a partner about less-savory subjects without losing his shit (or pee)—I’d say nothing of value was lost.


A jaunty gent, Balls McPhearson offers timeless advice to life's puzzlers. He enjoys outdoor sport and appreciates fine cigars as well as high quality mustache wax.