Sexy Sex

Dear Balls:
From a dude’s perspective, what are your favorite sex toys and why?
–Curious

Sex toys? Ohh, you FANCY! You’d be surprised what a roaming finger can accomplish.

No?

It is really not possible for one “dude” to speak to the likes and desires of all mankind. Are we talking about sex toys to use on men? Women? A partner? Ourselves?

I love the idea of sex toys, but have yet to find one that does a better job than my tongue. I suppose a high-quality vibrating dildo of NORMAL size can be fun to have in the bedside drawer, along with blindfolds or scarves to do some light bondage. It all depends—what do you like?

As with nearly all of my suggestions, it starts with a single point: communication. “Yes, some light anal play could spice things up” means start small, and explore your fantasies in a safe, non-judgmental setting. It does not mean “grab your socks and bite the pillow!” Do NOT surprise your partner with the Ass Hammer 3000 and expect it to go over well if it has not been previously discussed.

Sex and sex play should be about the fun, romantic and lustful magic that happens between two (or more) persons. Take an hour to discuss your fantasies, and then go shopping together, either in a store or online. But talk about it, y’all!

Many avoid talking openly because of embarrassment or fear of being uncomfortable. Know what’s more uncomfortable? Discovering the hard way that your lover has secretly picked up an inflatable pineapple. Someone is left terrified and crying and the other is out $50 and is likely looking for a new mate. Seriously, you’re a grownup—talk to your partner(s) about what it is that THEY like, so they may ask what YOU like—then WOW go buy those things and GOLLY HOLY GOOD LAWD, SOO MUCH FILTHY FUN! WHEEEEE!

Totally unrelated note: Costco’s moist wipes are really worth having around.

A jaunty gent, Balls McPhearson offers timeless advice to life's puzzlers. He enjoys outdoor sport and appreciates fine cigars as well as high quality mustache wax.