Read This Nog Log And Get Ready To Spend The Rest Of The Day Trying To Pick Your Jaw Up Off The Floor

 

 

Welcome to the Nog Log 2013! This is more like a observation log and less an article. Throughout, I make notes on a totally subjective scale; no science here. I begin the nog season with last year’s favorite and continue until I have tasted all I care to taste or until holidaybutt has set in so fierce I can no longer fit into my pants. Enjoy!

Lactaid (green carton) was my winner from 2012. Got my first carton of the year at FoodMaxx a few days before Halloween. Nog season started early in 2013!

It brings with it a slight embarrassment since people think you have a “condition,” but the flavor and thickness are unbeatable. Extra points for being real ingredients.

Horizon Organic (red carton) tastes like chemical bananas. Plus it’s low fat. Fail and fail. I actually liked this shit a few years ago. Next.

So Delicious Coconut Milk Nog—Nope. Nope nope nope. Nope.

Silk Soy Nog—Die. A thousand deaths.

New top spot to Berkeley Farms (Target). And wouldn’t ya know, it has only milk, cream, sugar, egg yolks, nutmeg as the main ingredients. No corn syrups, which I find make things overly chemical sweet-tasting. Last year I had all the store brands like Lucerne and Sunny Select and those were crap. Organic Valley was sadly meh. So far Berkeley Farms is winning it. Heard rumors of a Strauss eggnog.

Trader Joe’s Eggnog also fits the bill. Very similar to the Berkeley Farms but not as thick.

Still looking for Strauss.

Not yet had the Strauss but I’m hoping it’s great. For me, so far this year’s top acceptable nogs so far are Berkeley Farms, Trader Joes, Lactaid (green carton, at FoodMaxx). Tip of the hat to Southern Comfort brand. SoCo spiced variety (amber carton) is pleasant and wintery with hints of clove. The black carton is your basic nog, a bit on the sweet side but good thickness. Noticed that Hood makes it; Hood is nationally rated as a top supermarket nog (Hood brand makes both the SoCo and Lactaid line)

Found Strauss Creamery Nog at Chico Natural. Results? Well, yes, it is about the fanciest nog (and at around $9 after deposit, the most expensive) but it does not win. It is the delicious creamery-fresh Strauss quality I expect with the purest ingredients. It tastes like the most amazing melted French Vanilla ice cream sprinkled with nutmeg. But it lacks “Christmas at Grandma’s.” Too much hipster and not enough grandma. Grandma didn’t drop $9 on eggnog. Her nog was out of a wildly printed cardboard carton and was served with misshapen cookies next to a duraflame fire. So if that makes any sense at all—it’s REALLY FUCKING GOOD but it’s not able to kick down the nostalgic flavors I need from my nog.

Clover Organic from Costco. Well now. This is about perfect in flavor and color. If it were only a bit thicker—wait—let me mix it with the Berkeley Farms—WINNER!

Clover and Berkeley Farms are my top picks for 2013. Near perfect on their own merits, or mix them together to create a PowerNog that will scissor-kick you into a winter wonderland.

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Dain Sandoval is a Cisco Certified Network Associate and takes care of the wires and blinking lights at Synthesis. On the Ones and Zeroes, Droppin' packets like it's hot.