Rainy Days & Blowhards

The Pineapple Express, come to find out, is not just some kind of ganja. It’s actually a real atmospheric phenomenon that brews up around Hawaii and then shoots off to California to soak the crap out of us. I imagine that all the Hawaiians are laughing their alohas off while we batten down our hatches and trade our flip-flops for rubber boots. We scramble around frantically crashing our cars and dashing for doors to avoid getting any of the stuff from the sky on us. The great atmospheric river in the sky! That’s a technical term; I’m extremely well informed about all subjects.

That’s why you’ll find me nonplussed, well-dressed, and strolling anywhere I want in any kind of weather. A good raincoat with a rain hood, a pair of good wellies (not those fashion rainboots, but good ones with traction) maybe a pair of gloves, and that’s all you really need. Umbrellas can be cute accessories but I find that they’re more of a pain in my puddles for short distances than they’re worth. Long distance strolling can be wonderful under an umbrella unless the wind is blowing, and when storms come, the wind is almost always blustery. Pro-tip: don’t wear anything itchy under your rain gear.

Speaking of the climate, don’t you think it’s kind of embarrassing that in 2012, California, inarguably the best state in the union, has an elected official representing us with the intelligence of a ball of biscuit dough? I’m talking about the one, the only, the master of mediocrity, Doug LaMalfa. LaMalfa dazzles me with his idiotic stance on climate change and his diarrheal comments linking abortion to cancer. He’s the worst kind of politician — the one that dupes people into voting for him because they think he’s this shining star of ranchy American goodness, but in reality he’s just corrupt and unintelligent through and through. It’ll be an interesting twist of irony when all these archetypal climate change deniers are up to their armpits in glacier melt, pleading with the same scientists they sneer at now to save them before all their cowboy hats float away. For more on LaMalfa and some of his rubbish, check out Dillon Carroll’s column this week.

Also, Nolan has packed this issue with tons of musical goodness and fun. What’s more cozy than Café Coda, good music and beverages with your buddies? It’s a Festivus miracle! If you’re forgoing a Festivus Pole this year in favor of a more traditional tree, we’re also bringing you a feature about the Mountain View Christmas Tree Farm in Paradise. Stay dry!

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Sara makes the words happen.