Local Area Man Finds Sierra Nevada Beer “Okay­ — Not Too Bad, Really.”

In a startling turn of events for a town seemingly consumed with either advocating for or disparaging the famous, locally-brewed Sierra Nevada Beer, one man seems to have no strong stance on the issue. When asked his opinion on Sierra Nevada’s signature “Pale Ale,” 32-year-old Eric Hendrickson had this to say:

“It tastes okay—not too bad, really.” He went on to elaborate. “It’s definitely not the worst beer I’ve ever had. That would probably be a warm Bergermeister I had back when I was in college. Yuck.”

Things really got edgy though when Erickson was asked what was his favorite beer of all time: “I’m really more partial to the domestic canned beer, Bud Light, or maybe a nice cold Olympia.”

Bidwell Manners

Etiquette Tips with Marjory MacDonald

Concerned writes: My new boyfriend plays bass in a band and he’s asked me to go and see him perform in a downtown venue. The thing is, I’ve heard so many stories about people being stabbed downtown, I’m afraid to go! What should I do?

Dear Concerned:

There definitely has been an inordinate amount of stabbing lately, and Ms. MacDonald thinks that’s downright rude! Why, back when I was a youngster, when we had an argument to settle we’d do it with baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire! Phew, those certainly left a mark. But I digress. The real problem here seems to be your choice in romantic partners. A bass player?!? Oh my word. Honey, you’ve got to know that’s simply the guy who sucked the most at playing the actual guitar. It’s only got four strings, and you play them one at a time! He’s probably the band’s pot connection. My fair mother would be rolling over in her grave if I ever dated a bass player. My advice to you is kick the fat-fingered slob to the curb, risk the knife-fights, go downtown and find yourself a nice, new boyfriend—this time, shoot for the guitar player or the singer. Stay away from drummers though!

Patron NOT “86’d” From Duffy’s After Wildly Inappropriate Behavior

Marcus Wembley had the rare experience of NOT being permanently nixed from Duffy’s after going on a drunken rampage, terrorizing patrons and staff alike with obscene and disturbing behavior. A visibly hungover Wembley answered questions about his failure to get himself banned from the popular watering hole.

“I’m as surprised as you guys,” the 38-year-old winced and held his head in his hands as he spoke. “I can barely remember anything that happened, but from what my friends told me, it wasn’t pretty. It involved some broken beer bottles and maybe some indecent exposure. I know several birds were flown, and my throat is sore from screaming.”

When asked if he was sure he hadn’t been kicked out, Wembley spoke. “Well, my friends said no one said anything. We weren’t kicked out. The doorman even told us to have a nice night and said he’d see us next time.” He looked puzzled as he sifted through his memories of the evening.

“I really can’t say for sure. Maybe they did kick me out. I guess I’ll find out in a minute. We’re going to go get some Bloody Mary’s, if they’ll let me in.”

Bob Howard has been living, working, and writing in Northern Califonria since he moved to Chico in early 2000. In January 2011, he and his wife Trish relocated to Los Molinos, 30 minutes north of Chico, where they are the proud proprietors of the Double Happiness Farm. There they grow organic food, ornamental plants and trees, and generally work to enjoy the beauty of this great region.