I Love It All So Much Right Now

This last weekend I escaped the sweltering heat of Butte County (aka “the devil’s butthole”), and made my way to the great Northwest, (aka “just like Chico but better in every imaginable way”). I visited PDX Pop Now, caught up with old friends, and reveled in the incredible feeling of seeing people everywhere who weren’t familiar to me.

One of my favorite spots in Portland is located in a hotel, on the second floor landing which looks out onto the lobby. The bottom floor is full of overstuffed couches, expertly-placed fishbowls and succulents, and bored looking beautiful people draped over each piece of furniture. On the landing however, there’s a small bank of computers, large jars of rubber bands, hotel stationery pads, golf pencils, and a giant, old card catalog chest with unlabeled drawers. In each drawer there are stacks upon stacks of pages from the hotel stationery pads, filled with people’s thoughts, secrets, drawings, etc. I could spend all day in there if it weren’t for the dead smell that emanates from the inside of those drawers. This week I figured I’d bring a little of the Northwest back with me and share with you a handful of the secrets I saw, a random bunch.

“Alohamora is the best spell because the magic in this world breaks down barriers and brings people together. HALD: Hufflepuffs against locked doors.”

“I have had an abortion don’t hate me!”

“This is the best it’s ever been. It won’t last. But I love it all so much right now.”

“August 10, 2013: We, two travelers, Came to Portland on a whim. Adventures, we’ve had.”

“Prom Night?”

“Myspace.com/Slim77665047102471”

“A List Of Truths I’m Not Proud Of: I’ve had an affair, I worked in pornography, I had an Internet boyfriend, I kicked my dog once.”

“I love Amanda Poole. A LOT.”

“Dear Jenny, I’m sorry, I loved you at first. But then I learned more about you and myself. I was selfish and wanted more sex, you thought I was a jerk and wanted less. I became the jerk you presumed. I even fucked your sister. Sorry.”

“I wish it could all just slow down.”

“5/9/09 This is Heaven. I have swine flu… and didn’t tell anyone.”

“Dear universe, please let me accept love. And learn how to truly give it. Thanks, Lauren. xo”

“Stacey Steinwell (spotlight cheer studios) lives with her parents!!”

“Natalie, I traveled into the future and I’m writing you this at age 54. They built two skyscrapers in downtown and I live in a penthouse on the top of one. You live in the top of the other because you never stopped creeping. You are still driving around the mini and you have pink hair. I can’t discuss anything else because I don’t want to change the course of the future. I’ll see you around. DD”

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Zooey Mae has been working as a writer monkey for Synthesis Weekly since 2007. Her favorite things include (but are not limited to), Jeffrey Brown, bubble wrap, Craig Thompson, pillow forts, receiving handwritten letters, and whiskey. She spends her free time stockpiling supplies for the impending robot Apocalypse and avoiding eye contact with strangers.