Kid Stuff: Ted Cruz Meets Ted Geisel

On Tuesday, Senator Ted Cruz took to the Senate floor to stage a filibuster in a petulant stand against the Affordable Care Act. He spent part of his filibuster time reading from Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr. Seuss (aka Ted Geisel), thereby inspiring the little knockoff rendition below:

 

Do you like this guy, Ted Cruz?

 

I do not like this guy Ted Cruz,

I think he is just real bad news,

And if he wins, we’re sure to lose,

I do not like this guy Ted Cruz.

 

Would you like him here or there?

 

I would not like him here or there,

I would not like him anywhere.

I would not like him in L.A.

I would not like him in Green Bay.

I do not like this guy Ted Cruz,

Or any of the stuff he spews.

 

Would you like him in the House,

And not the Senate, this little louse?

 

I would not like him in the House,

Or in the Senate, or with my spouse.

I would not like him here or there.

I do not like him anywhere.

 

Would you like him eating lox,

While drinking whiskey in his socks?

 

I would not like him eating lox,

Nor drinking whiskey in his socks.

I do not like him in the House

I do not like him with my spouse.

I do not like him here or there.

I do not like him anywhere.

 

Could you like him with a goat

Enough to cast your only vote?

Would you like him without strain

If you lacked a working brain?

Would you like him if he changed

And was a little less deranged?

Would you like him back in Texas

Where he could no longer vex us?

 

Yes, I might like him without strain

If I did not have a working brain.

I might like him if he changed

And seemed a little less deranged.

And I might like him back in Texas

Where he could no longer vex us.

 

But I cannot like that yucky smirk

That brands him as a privileged jerk

Who wants so much for so very few

But hates good health care for me and you.

I tried to like him with all my might

But he was entirely too far right.

 

More dislike I could not muster

Until Cruz stood to filibuster

And used his Tea Party juice

To read to us from Doctor Seuss

 

So I will say goodbye for now

And leave us all to wonder how

A man whose shtick is such a sham

Could read to us Green Eggs and Ham.

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Comments

  1. A. Pistoffreader says:

    These stories just keep getting worse. Appalling.