Ho Ho No

Well it’s my favorite holiday season! Wait… nevermind, I was thinking of my birthday. In any case, I’ve compiled a list of really amazing gift ideas, perfect for all the weirdoes in your life. Enjoy!

Mercer Wine Ice Cream
www.mercersdairy.com
Oh my sweet gentle baby Jesus, so much yes. Wine Ice Cream. Because we live in a time of amazing scientific and culinary advances, and this is one such magical example. The good folks at Mercer have developed this 5% alcoholic ice cream in such flavors as Peach White Zinfandel, Red Raspberry, Chardonnay, Riesling, Cherry Merlot and Chocolate Cabernet.
 
Fart Mail
www.fartbymail.com
My cousin once told me she farted into a jar and sent it to her friend as a joke. Disgusting? Yes. Hilarious? Obviously. Seems it only took a good seventeen years for someone to create a product out of that golden idea and put it on the market. Although it’s not your own (ahem) gasses in the card, a mere $8.99 will have a card with fart sound effects and smell. But, it’s a recession, I’ll probably just be sending my farts the old fashioned way. Mason jars for everyone!
 
Sad Keanu Reeves
www.theawesomer.com
If you’re anything like me, then you’ve spent some time wondering why the shit Keanu Reeves is always moping around Hollywood. My theory is that he’s researching a role for a very sad man with only one outfit. You can purchase your very own depressed Keanu (available in two different sizes!) at the web address above.
 
Bill Murray Coloring Book
www.shop.coolmaterial.com
Bill Murray is famous for many things, and pretty much all of them are awesome. There’s actually a website that exists for the sole purpose of cataloging random encounters the public has with Murray in every day life. My favorite one explains how a guy was walking in Central Park, when someone approached from behind and shoved him in the back. When he turned around, Bill Murray stood there. He leaned in and whispered, “no one will believe you,” then turned on his heel and left. He’s so goddamn awesome. This coloring book depicts him in some of his classic roles like Ghostbusters and The Royal Tennenbaums.
 
Book Perfume
www.steidville.com
As any bibliophile can attest, books have a smell, and it is amazing. Geza Schoen, Gerhard Steidl, and Wallpaper Magazine have created Paper Passion, the fragrance for people who reeeeally love books. Maybe it’s pretentious, but it’s also really cool. And come on guys, there are so many worse smells out there! (Hint: Fart By Mail). Enjoy your holiday season, nerds! 

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Zooey Mae has been working as a writer monkey for Synthesis Weekly since 2007. Her favorite things include (but are not limited to), Jeffrey Brown, bubble wrap, Craig Thompson, pillow forts, receiving handwritten letters, and whiskey. She spends her free time stockpiling supplies for the impending robot Apocalypse and avoiding eye contact with strangers.