Eat Fresh

When I was in high school I dated a boy who worked at Subway. I say “dated,” but really, at that age, what that word meant to me was someone to listen to music and talk about Calvin & Hobbes with. Not a lot has changed except maybe the addition of alcohol. Oh yeah, and sex I guess. Anyway, the boy I dated in high school was sweet, and had extensive knowledge of Bill Watterson, which is always a bonus, but there was one big caveat. Whenever he got off work, he smelled like bread. Not in a good way, either. As Jim Gaffigan would say, he smelled like “bread that was cooked in a dirty dishwasher.” Isn’t that just always the way, though?

I remember him not really liking that job too much, although I don’t imagine he would have ever acted out at work too badly. Certainly nothing close to how a pair of Subway Sandwich Artists from Dublin, Ohio handled their job dissatisfaction. According to Foodbeast, Cameron Boggs (Instagram user @weedpriest), posted two photos, including one of a penis on a loaf of Subway bread with the caption, “My name is @ianjett and I will be your sandwich artist today.” The second picture is of a plastic water bottle about half full of what appears to be frozen urine, with the caption, “Today at work I froze my pee.” Oh Subway. You’re gross.

In local news, social media is atwitter (see what I did there?) with the recent release of a list of new conditions proposed for all new alcohol licenses in Chico. Some of the proposed changes (for bars specifically) that seem to be inciting the most outrage include: no sale of alcohol in bottles or cans, mandatory security guards when live or amplified music occurs, no alcohol sold after 11pm, and no happy hour promotions. For restaurants, changes include prohibition of live entertainment and happy hours. I think the key word in that sentence is “prohibition.”

Horror stories of police officers out of control, behaving abhorrently and goose-stepping all over the rights of citizens are everywhere these days. But that shouldn’t mean that we simply accept these changes as an unfortunate sign of the times. These changes could irreparably damage businesses like Café Coda, Duffy’s Tavern and any other venue that dares to host live music and sell alcohol. For the much anticipated and locally-owned Winchester Goose—an upscale venue that’s already hit a number of unnecessary hurdles in trying to open its doors to the public—these new proposals would be a death sentence.

To be honest, I’ve never been to a city council meeting. However, there is one scheduled for Tuesday, August 6 at 6:30pm. It’s an ungodly hour to rally, but my thoughts on the matter are that if my dumb body being present in that room with all the other sweaty, angry assholes will help convince the council members that these changes are unacceptable, then I’m up for it. Won’t you join me?


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Zooey Mae has been working as a writer monkey for Synthesis Weekly since 2007. Her favorite things include (but are not limited to), Jeffrey Brown, bubble wrap, Craig Thompson, pillow forts, receiving handwritten letters, and whiskey. She spends her free time stockpiling supplies for the impending robot Apocalypse and avoiding eye contact with strangers.