The Dog Days of Summer

First there were rumors, and then there was irrefutable evidence: Barack Obama hates white dogs. The duly elected leader of all the people (and all their dogs) has made his bigotry clear. There are two First Dogs, and they’re both black. And as the right-thinking thinkers of the right wing have been quick to point out, the leader of the free world is deeply prejudiced against all things white. Including dogs.


How could it be otherwise? The first elected U.S. president with mixed-race parentage (with the possible exception of Warren Harding) has often been accused of hating white people—first by the always insightful Glenn Beck, and more recently by the Governor of Maine—so why would the color he so obviously hates not also apply to the color of dogs? And what about all those rumors floated on talk radio and Tea Party websites suggesting that Obama planned to have the White House repainted in a darker hue, but was dissuaded by his advisors who feared (quite rightly) the outrage such a move would create among white folks who are increasingly feeling like second-class citizens, in their own damn country?


It is a national disgrace that Obama’s racism runs so deep that it even applies to dogs. And though some liberals argue that President Bush also had two black dogs, everyone with half a brain knows that Bush chose black dogs precisely because he wanted to reach out to black people, reassuring them that when it came to dogs, he was partial to a darker shade of pale.


Obama’s predilection for black dogs is another thing entirely. Clearly, his preference for black dogs is yet another manifestation of his hatred for all things white, including white people like his mom, his Kansas grandparents, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, and the hundreds of white folks he’s appointed to offices in his administration in a desperate attempt to throw off suspicion that he is, in fact, the first racist ever to occupy the Oval Office.

But we’re on to him. Because you can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t fool most white folks on the subject of racism. We wrote the book on that subject, and so long as there are sources of the truth like Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, we’re going to decry racism, especially when it comes from black-dog owners.

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  1. Murray Suid says:

    Looks like those dogs have white teeth, Jaime. So doesn’t that invalidate everything you’re saying about President Obama’s choice of canine. And don’t hand me that garbage that the dogs are “mostly” black. Teeth are very important.

  2. A. Pistoffreader says:

    Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Even as an attempted parody. I won’t be coming back to this website any more.