Dear Santa,

Why should kids get to have all the fun asking for stuff? In this issue of the Synthesis, grown-ups are taking their chances with the Naughty List, we’re also helping you out with some snazzy holiday cocktail recipes that have been expertly formulated by…uh experts, and we preview the morose magnificence of the Foxtails Brigade.

According to all Santa-loving children, every letter to Santa needs to begin by extolling our virtues — our last chance to explain our naughty little souls. Children know this because they are born to be tiny litigators.

As for me, Santa, I’ve been so good. I’ve been far less lazy, I’ve been calling private parts by their anatomical names, I’ve been taking my vitamins and making breakfast for the children on a pretty regular basis. I’ve been enjoying my work and making hardly any jokes at Nolan’s expense. I’ve also been tidy, kind and forgiving, I haven’t punched anybody all year. I brush my teeth fanatically, and encourage people to shop locally. I believe that if you look again, you’ll find me at the top of the Nice List. I mean, right at the top.

I don’t really want a lot this year, but you know how it is, the older we get, the more fancy the toys, hehe. As the family photographer, I would like a new camera. It’s called an X-E1, or in Japan, the Sexy One. I think we can both agree that’s pretty funny and that Japan is great. Next, I’d like a wristwatch, specifically the Kate Spade Carlyle watch in gold. Lastly, I’d like a pair of slippers. I’m not picky, as long as they’re warm and protect my feet from the cold garage floor when I get in the car to take the boys to school. The great thing about driving them to school is that I don’t have to get out of the car and therefore don’t have to wear any pants — but the garage floor gets me every time. I’m sure you’ve probably got a frosty garage floor too!

Thank you Santa, say Hi to Mrs. Claus and all those elfs. Pick up a stack of the Synthesis and be sure to put one in every stocking. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours if ya know what I mean and I think ya do (cookies).

Grown-up Sara

I’d also like to give a big shout out and congratulations to the Synthesis’ own Dain Sandoval, Mr. Novembeard. What a great organization, and I’m so glad you’re done combing your beard next to me at work. Also, if you haven’t seen his Doctor Who decorated Dalek tree, it won the internet. So, mazel tov to Dain!

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Sara makes the words happen.