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Drive By Verbal Diarrhea


Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, truck driver?

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You Are an Enormous, Eternal, and Majestic Mountain


The most important ingredient for success is enthusiasm

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The Song of a Green Apron


Here lies the forthright words of an ex barista.

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How To Have A Revolution


Spending our money is the most powerful political act in our lives.

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Unsolicited Advice: Chemtrails


I think all condensation is bullshit; when my windshield fogs up in the winter, it’s probably Chem-windshield.

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The Last Word On Homelessness…lessness…lessness…


Every time you see a homeless person, ask them for spare change or an extra cigarette. This should always be done while wearing your best clothes.

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Clean Up Your Dog’s Poop


I hope that your irresponsibility, dog owner, is born out of ignorance, which can be resolved with knowledge.

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You Can Seriously Get Actual Free Money


Moreover, the incentive is stronger for those who earn less *cough* college students *cough.*

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We Can All See Your Buttcrack


Every time you bend at the waist that fabric stretches into what amounts to a tinted window.

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Someone You Know Doesn’t Understand Tax Brackets


Every year around tax time, I hear a particularly foolish claim: “I don’t want to make more money, because I’ll move up in tax brackets and end up with less money overall.”

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You Know How Women Are


I don’t even know where to start on this situation, but I am bursting at the seams with unsolicited advice.

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