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Magic Eye Posters Are Still Cool, Right?


I’m sure with my impressive portfolio I’ll immediately be snapped up by one of the greats, like The National Enquirer or Dog Fancy. Actually, if any of you “know a guy” there, hook it up.

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The End Is Nigh. (Part One)


Some might not understand us feeling gratified in spite of the Synthesis’ demise. But they’re idiots who don’t understand what it was like to work here.

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Mahalo / 감사합니다


When the idea is first presented, it’s framed as a vacation. “Just think, it’s your last semester of college! Wouldn’t it be great to take a little week-long break in the middle of it?”

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Fifty Shades of Sexual Abuse


Can we talk for a minute about the new Fifty Shades of Grey movie?

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You Remind Me of the Babe


…he texts me from my mother’s phone. As my mother. Speaking about himself in the third person. This is an exchange that occurred last week

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I Want To Believe


it’s amazing how many moments that are supposed to be important and memorable just end up being awkward affairs where I sit around thinking “is this it?” while trying not to fart and ruin things for everyone else.

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Synthesis Travel Tips


a helpful list of handy hints that are sure to make your next plane ride a breeze.

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Choose Your Own Adventure: A Meditation On Packing


You now have some serious decisions before you:

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Crappy New Year: Please Pass The Benadryl


The year 2015 will mark eight years since I first started at Synthesis Weekly.

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Lizard People, Dear Reader


If there’s one thing that I think we can agree on, it’s that these sorts of insufferable buttholes are awful to be around. Their empty self-assuredness also leads me to believe that they’re not actually humans, but rather lizard people in skin suits.

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Winter is Coming!


Congratulations, guys. Despite all your best efforts of boozing and other activities driven by depression, you’ve made it to another installment of pine-scented anxiety season

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Millennial Idiot Brain


My main takeaway has been that they’d really like to believe that Twitter is a viable job hunting tool

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Not The Hero Chico Wanted… But The One We Deserved


Come to think of it, if this were a Joel Schumacher film, the capsule would be the size of a tomb. Annie and John Bidwell would come dancing out in a puff of smoke, each wearing impossibly sparkly catsuits

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Yada, yada, yada


Do you remember the Seinfeld episode when Kramer runs the marathon and refuses to wear the AIDS ribbon?

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We Gave Her A Nice Honeymoon


My favorite little jewel that emerged from the Bond franchise was Desmond Llewelyn, who played the original Quartermaster, AKA “Q” throughout most of the films.

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