Black Heart Cockles

Despite the changing seasons, it seems like Chico days haven’t quite received the message that it’s officially autumn. This last week was way too warm, although the nights and mornings have balanced that nicely with the type of cold that makes you want to never leave the comfort of your morning shower or bath. There’s something about a really hot bath when it’s so goddamn cold at night that warms the cockles of my black heart. If you’re like me in that way—and unlike me in that you have a large disposable income—I have the perfect purchase for you. Introducing the Hammock Bathtub! Part hammock/part bathtub/fully amazing, the Hammock Bathtub was created by a UK-based design company called SplinterWorks. This hanging bathtub, made from carbon fiber (with a foam core) doesn’t swing, but the core keeps the water warm way longer than an average tub. Judging by the picture from their website, you’d need to have a bathroom that includes a sunken floor with a drain in the center, but still, how amazing would this be?! The best part, aside from the hammock shape, is that this tub measures almost nine feet in length, which means a hefty bonus space that’s perfect for all you tall people. I have yet to find a site that will actually list a price for this bathing beast, which means it’s quite spendy. But really, can you put a price on being able to actually snorkel in your bathtub? No. The answer is no.

In related products, if you’re someone who likes to have a glass (or bottle) of wine in the bathtub, or maybe you’re just a drunk on the go, this next one’s for you. The Vino2Go is a portable wine glass that looks like a wine glass inside of a regular wide-bottomed glass with a sealable rubber top. Perfect for jogging with wine, or doing jumping jacks with wine, or really any strenuous activity that you enjoy doing… now with added wine! My only complaint is that the outer cup is clear, which means everyone can see the fact that you have a glass of wine. Perfect for those times when you feel thirsty while jazzercising in the comfort of your home, but not so great for public displays. That means there’s still no better discreet wine carrier that ye olde standby, the Camelbak Backpack. Pick up a Vino2Go at thefowndry.com.

And lastly, because you might not be the only one in your home who needs to relax, Japan (the country that brought us the square watermelon) has released a wine for cats. In a bottle. Yes, seriously. It’s not alcoholic, but contains grape juice, vitamin C and catnip. Meh. Wake me when they make a Camelbak Backpack for cats. I’ll be in the hammock bath.

Zooey Mae has been working as a writer monkey for Synthesis Weekly since 2007. Her favorite things include (but are not limited to), Jeffrey Brown, bubble wrap, Craig Thompson, pillow forts, receiving handwritten letters, and whiskey. She spends her free time stockpiling supplies for the impending robot Apocalypse and avoiding eye contact with strangers.