B-Holes & Booze

I used to work as a cocktail waitress in a bar that was located in downtown Chico. It fancied itself a martini bar, and was owned by an individual who is (so far) the worst boss I’ve ever had. He once fired an employee after doing an (illegal) search on a locker and finding a miniscule amount of marijuana. He once told me that if men wanted to buy shots for me during my shifts, that I should take them—and that as long as I could hold a tray, I should keep drinking. I once watched him grab a girl by her hair and drag her back into his bar because she walked out on an open bar tab. He also still owes me my last paycheck. Behind the bar in a locked case there was a carved-glass bottle of cognac that cost $100 per shot. I was told that the person who bought the last shot of the bottle got to keep the bottle, which was worth a few hundred dollars on its own. I kept working there for a month or two longer than I should have just because I figured maybe I could wait until the bottle got really low, then buy the last shot as a parting gift to myself. In the end it didn’t quite work like that. The stress that I was experiencing as a result of such a physically and emotionally taxing job caused me to get sick, and after my boss told me if I didn’t stop getting sick he’d fire me, I thought it best to high-tail it out of that cesspool. That place (not surprisingly) went out of business soon after, and I have to say, I’m curious what happened to that cognac. Knowing the owner, he probably filled the bottle up with apple juice and water then sold it on Ebay, describing it as “full.”

Anyway, I told you about that so I could also tell you that there is currently a Costco in Arizona that’s selling a $17,000 bottle of scotch. Foodbeast has reported that these bottles of Macallan are aged 60 years, come in a crystal bottle, and out of the 400 bottles produced, only 72 are available at that one Costco. No one seems to know how the heck they ended up there, but I’m guessing some money changed hands, or at very least some sexual favors.

In world news, the first transportable, inflatable concert hall has come into existence. Created by British sculptor Anish Kapoor and Japanese architect Arata Isozaki, the structure was made as a way to bring concerts to areas of Japan that were affected by the 2011 earthquake/tsunami. The upside is that it can fit up to 500 people, and will bring culture and entertainment to many ravaged areas of the world. The bad news is that it looks like a giant b-hole. Or maybe that’s good news too. It probably depends on how you feel about b-holes…

Until next week, nerds.

Zooey Mae has been working as a writer monkey for Synthesis Weekly since 2007. Her favorite things include (but are not limited to), Jeffrey Brown, bubble wrap, Craig Thompson, pillow forts, receiving handwritten letters, and whiskey. She spends her free time stockpiling supplies for the impending robot Apocalypse and avoiding eye contact with strangers.