Invasion of the Spider Zombies!

This Book Is Full Of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don’t Touch It.

David Wong

St. Martins Press

I can sometimes be a seasonal reader. I’m the same way with movies. When Halloween rolls around I like to watch every Hellraiser movie, straight through to that rotten Revelations. Luckily, David Wong’s follow-up to his first bizarre book, John Dies At The End came out just in time to nurdle up on the couch, cozy with the first rains of Fall and read something hilario-scary. That’s when a book is both hilarious and scary. And David Wong does hilario-scary better than most.

This Book Is Full Of Spiders picks up where our unfortunate heroes leave off with David and John doing what they do a la Jay & Silent Bob. Two of the most unlikely heroes you can conceive of; they’re vulgar, they’re slow, they’re hysterical. I’m not a spider fan on the best of days. I would probably try to grab Spiderman himself in a paper towel and flush him down the toilet. As an Earthling, nothing heebs me out harder than spiders. And this book is full of them, as promised. But what could make a spider more creepily awesome? If it turned everybody into zombies by living inside them. Inorite?! And how do they get inside people? Ugh, God, you don’t want to know. Unless you do, and then you have to read this book.

When the all-American town of [Undisclosed] falls victim to the plague of spiderzombies, our dorktastic heroes are right at the center. Dave’s girlfriend Amy and her tiny bladder of Justice, also makes a super strong heroine. She might have to pee a lot, but she’s got huge biscuits as she attempts to locate Dave inside a quarantined hospital where everybody’s gone Lord of the Flies.

Several other characters, including the port-a-potty that you enter but then exit inside a Taqueria, a man with extremely tight pants, Molly the dog, a handsome lawman in a Porsche (tres pretentious!) and a monster that used to be a guy named Carlos, that will viciously kill you anally because you sat on the ground to take a break, round out this extremely disturbing cast. And just when you think, “Oh crap this book is freaking me out,” one of them will reveal that he’s naked and you’ll laugh out loud and scare your cats. 

The tale is told in a timeline-y type format, as in 11 Hours, 40 MInutes until the Aerial Bombing of [Undisclosed] or 4 Hours Until the Massacre at Ffirth Asylum, from John, David & Amy’s point of view. Although Molly the Dog does somehow eek in a first-person/dog subchapter. In the spirit of Halloween and the way we all happen to get a thrill out of the scary, startling and supernatural, This Book Is Full Of Spiders won’t disappoint. It’s great for a Stephen King fan, it’s great for a Douglas Adams fan. How that’s possible? I don’t know. We’d have to ask Jason Pargin, because he’s the writer behind the David Wong pseudonym. Hilario-scary is the new black this Halloween.

Sara makes the words happen.